That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
