i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
