yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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