Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
