I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
