I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
