So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
