Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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