can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
