her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
