I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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