are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
