So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize
