My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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