Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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