Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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