does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
