I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i've created a new STD.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
