Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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