Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
These tits shall not be calmed
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
