I looked at my own cervix.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
