i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Your cock deserves a montage
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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