fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
