So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
