8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
