Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
