I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
