Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
