the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
