That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
