I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
