woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
