ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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