I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Randomize
