she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
