this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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