Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
