it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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