So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
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Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.