Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How external is "for external use only"?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..