i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
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The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
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I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"