I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee