my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There r osticjed everywhere
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.