Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night