i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If you need anything just hit me up
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"