i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
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He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
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if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple