maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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