I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
