You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
