I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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