then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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