I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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