Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
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