I smell stomach acid.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
