So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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