i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
