He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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