my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No subtext here. People are naked.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the knife in your bed.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize