honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I believe in your delicious
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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