walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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