love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
