Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
