you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
