can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
