so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
