there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
