Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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