I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
