There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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