new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
