Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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