I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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