even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
