Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
