I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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