PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
