She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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