Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
