the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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