I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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