You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
