your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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