I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
