I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
