i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
