So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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