It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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