S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
